Languages

It says in the paper today that fewer people are taking up the option of learning new languages as part of their education. There are two reasons for this - the first is that we English have always preferred talking slowly and loudly to foreigners rather than actually attempting to converse in the dialect of the country we're visiting - the second is that unless we are starring in a major concert to raise awareness of global warning we're not really allowed to go abroad any more because of our carbon footprint.
Speaking of carbon footprints my lovely lady wife has spilt her mascara powder on our light coloured bedroom carpet creating a proper good carbon footprint problem right on my own doorstep. The first thing i tried was to offset it by planting an acorn in the back garden but this hasn't moved the stain probably 'cos they take so long to grow. So at the start of the week i put some cress seeds on a bit of blotting paper and they've shot up however there has been no effect on the stain which rather undermines the theories of some of the finest scientific minds in the world. Carbon offsetting doesn't work remember folks you read it here first!